DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to.
While her post is light-hearted, it reflects a much deeper psychological conversation that many people silently struggle with: the guilt of honouring their own emotional limits. Delnna Rrajesh, psychotherapist and relationship breakthrough coach, said certain times, people are exhausted not because they dislike people, but because they have learnt to constantly override themselves. “They stay at events longer than they want to, say yes when they want to say no and continue conversations when their mind is already asking for rest. The reason is not always enjoyment. Often, it is fear. Fear of appearing rude. Fear of disappointing someone. Fear of being judged as boring, antisocial or uncaring. Somewhere along the way, many people have learnt that prioritising their own comfort is selfish. They have confused being available with being loving and pleasing others with being a good person,” said Delnna.
One of the most important aspects of emotional intelligence is self-awareness. “Every person has a different capacity for social stimulation. A gathering requires much more than just conversation. Our brain is continuously processing voices, expressions, emotions, social cues and expectations. For some people, this feels energising. For others, after a certain point, it becomes overwhelming and draining,” said Delnna.
This does not make one person better than another. It simply means we are wired differently.
“Unfortunately, society often celebrates constant availability. The person who attends every event, replies instantly, always says yes, and never seems tired is often considered more social, more caring or more successful. But constantly ignoring your own needs can come at a psychological cost,” remarked Delnna.
This pattern is often seen in people-pleasing. “People-pleasing is not simply being kind. Kindness comes from choice. People-pleasing often comes from fear. It is the fear that if I disappoint someone, I may lose their approval, affection, or acceptance,” reflected Delnna.
A person who genuinely enjoys staying longer at a party is expressing themselves. “A person who desperately wants to leave but stays for another three hours because they are afraid of what others will think is abandoning themselves,” said Delnna.
This is why learning to set healthy boundaries is one of the greatest forms of self-respect. “Boundaries are not walls that keep people out. They are guidelines that help us remain connected without losing ourselves.”
The goal is not to avoid people. “The goal is to build a relationship with yourself where you understand what nourishes you and what drains you.”
A useful reflection exercise is to ask yourself:
“Am I doing this because I genuinely want to, or because I am afraid of disappointing someone?”
“Am I staying because I am enjoying this, or because I feel guilty leaving?”
“Am I saying yes because it aligns with me, or because I need approval?”
These questions help separate love from fear, emphasised Delnna, adding that the most “emotionally healthy people are not those who are always available”. “They are those who know when to show up and when to pause. They understand that they can care deeply for others without constantly abandoning themselves.”
