Priyanka Chopra recently shared her longing to meet her father, Dr Ashok Chopra, once again. In a candid video post, Priyanka reflected on the question of which part of her life she would like to go back to, “I’d go and hang out with my father again. I really miss him, and I think he was just so funny. If there was a specific time, I think I would go to around the mid-2000s…I think he was his happiest then,” she told Esquire India.
This recollection captures something profound about grief.
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“We don’t only miss people after they die. We miss particular versions of them, versions of ourselves around them, and sometimes an entire chapter of life that existed because they were there,” reflected Delnna Rrajesh, psychotherapist and relationship breakthrough coach.
And surprisingly, we often miss the ordinary most: their laugh from another room, a familiar phone call, tea together, an irritating habit, a repeated story, or simply sitting beside them. “What once appeared mundane becomes precious because we finally recognise what it contained: access to someone we loved,” shared Delnna.
Grief also includes futures that never happened. “A parent did not see us marry, become parents ourselves, achieve something important, or watch their grandchildren grow. This is why grief can return years later around milestones. There is no correct deadline for missing someone,” shared Delnna.
One thing Delnna often shares with people navigating grief is that losing physical presence does not require us to erase the relationship. “Psychology describes continuing bonds: the person can remain part of our inner world through memories, values, rituals, stories, and the influence they had on who we became,” expressed Delnna.
We accept that physical presence has changed while allowing love to continue through what we carry forward: their values, recipes, humour, stories, prayers, traditions and the way they shaped us.
“And this leaves the living with an important invitation. Don’t wait for loss to become curious about the people you love. Ask your parents who they were before they became your parents. Ask about their dreams, fears, happiest years, and untold stories. Record their voice. Learn the family recipe. Take the ordinary photograph. Make the call. Listen to the repeated story. Say thank you. Say I love you,” expressed Delnna.
Because if we were ever given the impossible gift of one more day, many of us would not choose a milestone. We might choose one completely ordinary afternoon with someone we love, before any of us knew how precious it was.
