We can choose our friends, but unless we are extremely privileged, we cannot choose who we surround ourselves with at all times of the day. There are many individuals in our lives with whom we are at odds, and ego problems are a major cause of this.
Someone else being defensive to you does not always mean that it is on you, especially if the someone in question has an ego problem.
As Jeffrey stated, “Just because someone becomes defensive doesn't automatically mean you communicated poorly. If you immediately take their reaction personally, you may become defensive, too. And suddenly, you're in a massive argument.”
The best thing to do in the situation is to remind oneself that their defensiveness is often an attempt to protect how they see themselves. “That perspective helps you stay calm and respond without matching their intensity,” shared the therapist.
We should try to absorb from people their best, and not their worst. Jeffrey pointed out that people with fragile egos may constantly chase validation, compete with others, or engage in unhealthy behaviours to feel better about themselves.
“Don't let them pull you into that world,” advised the therapist. “Notice the pattern for what it is without becoming judgmental or participating in it. Awareness helps you avoid getting trapped in dynamics that go against your values.”
When a person accomplishes something meaningful, those with a fragile ego around them may dismiss it or quickly change the subject.
“Your success might trigger feelings of inferiority that they don't know how to express,” noted Jeffrey. “Their lack of enthusiasm does not make your achievement any less impressive. So celebrate with people who are emotionally capable of being happy for you.”
Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.
Jeffrey Meltzer is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor based in Florida. He graduated with a Master's in Mental Health Counselling from the University of South Florida and has been providing therapy services for over seven years.
Debapriya Bhattacharya is a Content Producer at Hindustan Times. He started his career in 2022, working in newsrooms in beats like education, US news, trending stories, and entertainment. In his new role in the lifestyle desk, he seeks to deliver a balanced blend of research-driven reporting and creative storytelling from health and recipes to art and culture. Science, philosophy, food and pop culture are what pump his veins and help bring heart to his stories. Debapriya tries to see out subjects that will allow him and readers to explore new frontiers and improve the quality of life for all. The explorations can be both external and internal, as thoughts seek to be as chaotic as the greater universe. As a citizen of the world, Debapriya has been fascinated by the lives of people across the globe throughout time. His curiosity leads him to explore new linguistic and cultural landscapes to broaden his horizons and deepen his understanding of global narratives. Beyond the newsroom, Debapriya loves to participate in debate and theatre, spaces that he considers to be holy grounds for nuance and self-expression. A graduate from Ashutosh College, University of Calcutta, Debapriya completed his Master's degree from the same university in 2022. An ambiverted bibliophile, he loves his solitude as much as he adores stimulating conversations. And despite his reverence for tech, libraries continue to be his favourite place for research.Read More
